The Glue That Holds My Sanity Together

The Glue That Holds My Sanity Together

Being out of work offers a person an abundance of time for introspection. The first couple weeks after I lost my job I spent feeling sorry for myself. It’s easy for someone like me (a die-hard pessimist) to wallow in self-pity. Luckily, I still had health insurance through my husband’s employer and a good therapist, …

Read More Read More

Things I’m Afraid Of

Things I’m Afraid Of

In no particular order … My student loan debt Getting sprayed by an automatic flushing toilet Hanging my foot off the side of the bed Butterflies (You may have grown pretty wings, but I can see right through your pretty wings to your furry moth body, butterflies!) Touching any solid surface with my bare hand …

Read More Read More

Surviving the Sleepover Birthday Party

Surviving the Sleepover Birthday Party

I know moms (and dads) who love the chaotic, crazy, unpredictable world that kids create. These are parents who can tolerate a messy house. They enthusiastically invite friends into their homes. They host sleepovers and birthday parties. (Why?) They don’t care if their dining room chairs are sticky or their beds unmade. I’m not that …

Read More Read More

Losing My Sh*t At Target

Losing My Sh*t At Target

I’m not going to lie, I dislike going to Target with my kids. The moment my 3-year-old steps through those automatic doors it’s like she’s entered an alternate universe where the rules no longer apply. SHE. MUST. TOUCH. EVERYTHING. Things she has absolutely no interest in at home suddenly become fascinating to her – like …

Read More Read More

Me Too, Duh

Me Too, Duh

I spent most of my teens and twenties trying to keep dudes’ hands off my ass. That’s not to say that I was so hot men found me irresistible— actually the opposite. My self-esteem was so low and my desire to be loved so high, I was a magnet for freaks and predators. So yeah, …

Read More Read More

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Bitches!*

It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Bitches!*

We’re officially in flannel wearing, pumpkin patch visiting, spiced latte drinking season, bitches! Which, coincidentally (?), also happens to coincide with the onset of depression for people with seasonal affective disorder. How do I combat seasonal depression? Three words: DECORATIVE FUCKING GOURDS. I don’t know about you, but there’s nothing more I look forward to every October …

Read More Read More

5 Tips for a Happy Marriage

5 Tips for a Happy Marriage

In a few weeks, it will be 12 years since my husband, Russ, and I stood in front of a Bahamian minister — in what was generously described by our travel agent as a “garden,” next to the swim-up bar at Sandals All-inclusive Royal Bahamian Resort — and said our “I do’s.” It’s hard to …

Read More Read More

Giraffe Envy

Giraffe Envy

My 3-year-old won’t go anywhere without “Jaa-Jaa” — the giraffe/blankie she’s had since birth. Jaa-Jaa smells like Parmesan cheese. He has a couple holes. One of his ears is missing. She doesn’t care. We bought another Jaa-Jaa as a back-up in case she dropped the “real” Jaa-Jaa in the toilet or something, but he’s useless. …

Read More Read More