F*cking Fitted Sheets!

F*cking Fitted Sheets!

I’ve never minded doing housework. Sometimes, I actually enjoy it. There’s a certain gratification that comes from cleaning. Even if it doesn’t last, a clean room is satisfying to admire. Cleaning offers an immediate sense of achievement I don’t get to feel in any other area of my life. And it’s so simple. Something is …

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Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

My husband and I don’t sleep in the same bed. We haven’t slept in the same bed in years. No, our marriage isn’t over. No, our sex life isn’t over. And no, we don’t feel like roommates. In fact, it’s exactly the opposite of all of that. Deciding to sleep in separate beds probably saved …

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The Fart That Ruined Our Snow Day

The Fart That Ruined Our Snow Day

Yesterday was a snow day, which meant the kids got an extra day to continue their work of slowly destroying everything of value we own. My 11-year-old, Owen, spent the majority of the day knocking over picture frames and other breakables while immersed in an epic Nerf gun battle with his friends. My three-year-old, Gwen, …

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A Mother’s Prayer for Her Children

A Mother’s Prayer for Her Children

  First, Lord: I ask for your forgiveness for all my sins, known and unknown. For I typically know not what I do. I pray that you shield mine eyes from the stain on the comforter, though it smells like Cheetos and probably won’t come out even if I bring it to the dry cleaners. …

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Eyes Wide Open

Eyes Wide Open

  Before my husband and I had kids, we talked about having kids. A lot. We discussed how many we wanted (2), what we’d name them, how we’d discipline them (Ha! OUR kids wouldn’t need disciplining). We promised each other we’d never become one of those couples that put their kids before their marriage. We’d …

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Living with OCD

Living with OCD

What do restaurant menus, credit card electronic signature pens, library books, ATM machines, hotel room remote controls, bowling balls, counter tops, light switches and door handles all have in common? I can’t touch any of them with my bare hands without becoming extremely agitated. I even have a hard time flushing my own toilet. I …

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A Cringe-worthy Christmas Card?

A Cringe-worthy Christmas Card?

  It’s that time of year again! The only time of year I actually look forward to opening the mail delivered by ye olde postmaster or postmistress. I’m not sure which (postmaster or postmistress) we have, but I’ll soon find out. Because between now and January 1, I’ll be stalking our mailbox for the delivery …

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Gingerbread House Fail 2017

Gingerbread House Fail 2017

Another holiday season, another gingerbread house fail. This is what I imagine our gingerbread house will look like … This is what it actually looks like …   So there’s no fighting, every year, I let each kid pick a side to decorate. (If I’m lucky, I’ll get the back of the house or the …

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